One of the first dreams I can remember having has stuck with me for probably more than 20 years now. I dreamt that I was standing in the middle of a very narrow, but very long suspension bridge. I was over a body of water, but the water wasn’t moving. It was windy, but no matter which direction I turned, the wind was always at my back. I would look over one side of the railing, feel the cold on my face, and I would see happy people down below, inviting me to join in their fun. When I would step to the other side rail I would see nobody – however – there was a sense of curiosity and calmness that kept me facing that direction, and (oddly) my hair seemed to keep me warm, as the wind swept it forward, and wrapped it around my neck and shoulders. Sometimes I would be alone on this bridge, other times I would be surrounded by people – just numerous unfamiliar, unmemorable faces.
I never gave it much thought, and actually forgot about it for years; but recently I’ve been getting flashbacks and memories are resurfacing. My attention is being called, and since I have promised to follow my heart on this journey, I have been praying and meditation on every aspect of this dream that I can recall.
I’ve mentioned before how much I love symbolism – and I’m pretty sure that is how I receive my messages “from the universe” – Symbols, to me, are God’s voicemails. I may have missed the call completely – but the message will be stored in my inbox until I finally decide to check it out.
This dream of mine is symbolic of the overall tone of my life experience thus far. That bridge is my symbol for that point at which we all find ourselves deciding whether to be a leader or a follower. The wind always being at my back represents the direction that I would be moving based on either decision. My hair wrapping around me – well, that probably explains my strange (and borderline obsessive) dependence on it to this day – but, going deeper, it represents the feeling of safety and security I experienced every time I faced the side of the bridge where nobody was waiting for me down below. The times that I was alone on the bridge – I was viewing the beckoning crowd –> representative of making the decision to be a follower. I felt cold, and these friendly people were warm and welcoming. And finally, the times I was surrounded by people, feeling calm, and my hair was comforting me —> those are the times I was making the decision to be the leader, as my company awaited my guidance.
I have been tormented by the duality of life decisions for as far back as I can remember because, to me, EVERY decision was either good or bad, right or wrong, positive or negative, responsible or irresponsible, smart or stupid, quick or contemplative – it couldn’t ever JUST BE A SIMPLE DECISION … That’s an extremely heavy cross to bear as a child, adolescent, teen, young adult, and even now as an adult. I’ve made my fair share of decisions that went against my intuition because of my greed, my addiction to instant gratification, and my rebellion – and oddly enough, those are the decisions that have given me the most peace and validation. It wasn’t out of disrespect for authority – though, as a kid, I could be pretty downright disrespectful. I’ve never had a problem with authority … My rebellion stemmed from an inability to express myself, my inner battle between my intuition and my conscience, and my need for freedom.
When I made a decision to break rules, or that would garner the most undesirable consequences – I knew I consciously made those on my own. I didn’t “give in,” or follow anyone blindly – I felt empowered! Punished … but empowered. I now understand why my consciousness operates this way –
As I look back on the road map of my 32 years, those decisions that I made no longer have a polarity label. They were game changers, mile markers, points of personal growth that kept my life from being stagnant. They may not have been approved of at the time, they may have caused others some inconvenience, and they may have caused some type of emotional scarring … but each and every time I may have messed up (… it was a lot of times …) I ALWAYS turned to God.
In crisis, in worry, in guilt, in pain, in sadness, in heartache, in devastation, in loss, in grief, in EVERY PIT AND VALLEY — I turned to God. I pulled away from family and friends – not because I was “depressed” or becoming a recluse… I distanced myself because MY SOUL took over when my mind was clouded, and knew to make room for God. My physical being does not get the credit for anything. Its not supposed to. It is a vehicle for my soul. When I get distracted by ‘human-ness’ my soul calls for a meeting with God. I imagine a small, shiny, beautiful angel with big, bright green eyes crying to God because she lost control of the vehicle and ran out of gas.
God, my loving and patient Father, comes to my rescue – every time, on time. He picks me up, puts me back on track, and refuels my spirit – it is in these moments when I’m transported back to that suspension bridge. I feel the familiar wind behind me, encouraging me to keep moving instead of standing still in my current condition. And my hair? Well … it feels more like angel wings wrapped around me – making me feel safe and confident once again.
The moral of all of this is to understand that each and every one of us is connected to God on a very personal and fundamental level. The tie that binds us is not in our physical hands – we can’t just let it go on accident. We are an extension of Him. GOD is built in to our beings, and exists in the mind’s eye. God IS our intuition – that is HIS direction and HIS guidance being communicated through subtle signs, dreams, and messages that catch our attention – but it is OUR responsibility to connect the dots that outline our higher purpose.
Don’t dismiss your intuition just because you may not understand it at the time. Don’t analyze or interpret it within the limitations of logic either. These are messages of strength, loving intention, grace, and mercy – and they will unfold for you when you’re ready to accept your position by giving God full control. Intuition is the soul’s voice. Tune in to it, commit to following it, and watch your life change as your awareness strengthens and the fog lifts.
“I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Marvelous are Your works, And that my soul knows very well.” Psalm 139:14
Where's My Halo? 